I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.
I can’t remember that Saturday night, the feeling of your chest hair tingling against my bare back, your long arms squeezing me in. I can’t remember if I went to sleep quickly or slowly. If we were warm or cold. If we woke up easily or groggy. I tried so hard to savor each night, bathing in your navy sheets and dusty room, but I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.
Every boy loves Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. I’ve given so many blow jobs to that movie.
I ate the grits. I ate the grits his ex brought back from Texas. Swallowing whole a steaming spoonful like cannibalism, devouring the remains of what I destroyed. I ate the grits, swaddling the microwave-warmed bowl against my bare knees, sitting on his stiff couch, facing the window, facing the world, through cracks in the curtains.
It’s weird to give your ex gifts.
Tomorrow, it’ll be a year. A year since we took the last selfies I have of us. My face pressed against you as we make silly expressions into the camera. It was a weird night. Our plans were kind of complicated. It’d been a week since I’d seen you. Almost a week since I asked you to think about where we were going.
It took you three months to answer that question. We didn’t take any more selfies in that period. But nothing else really changed.
It’s been a weird year. A lot’s happened. I’ve done a lot. I went a lot of places. I’ve erased you from a lot of stuff, but you’re still around.
You’ve met someone else. I wonder where you’ll be at midnight. I still miss you.
All the things in my brain that remind me of you
All the things in my brain marked off as things you’d love to do
The things in my brain rot as someone else discovers all the things anew
Now there’s two of us, walking around, thinking of you.
I hope she discovers all of them and shares them with you
I hope they bring you happiness as they ought to
But as you wander the world, finding things for her,
Pause now and again
And come upon a Melissa thing or two.
I’m so single my sex dreams have turned into masturbation dreams
Status: Haven’t had sex in long enough that I’m deeply attracted to everyone I have a mild affinity towards