sad

Love

We did everything together, watched everything together, but somehow both didn’t mention to each other that we’d each found the time to binge a series called Love. Over dinner, his little brother’s girlfriend, who worked in the entertainment industry, asked if he was excited for the second season premiere; I guess he’d discussed it with her previously… he couldn’t even say the word to me.

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sad

A tragedy

When I was 16, I found myself with boyfriend. He was perfect, and we dated for two years until I got curious about the world and other potential boys I hadn’t met yet in college.

Then, several years later, when I decided he was still perfect, I tried to be with him again, but he smelled weird to me. I asked him if he’d showered, put on deodorant, brushed his teeth, chewed gum, all affirmative, all moments before I met him, but he smelled too weird to me to kiss.

What a sad fucking day. Alone with a potential love of my life, too grossed out to kiss him ever again.

sad

I can’t remember the last time we cuddled

I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.

I can’t remember that Saturday night, the feeling of your chest hair tingling against my bare back, your long arms squeezing me in. I can’t remember if I went to sleep quickly or slowly. If we were warm or cold. If we woke up easily or groggy. I tried so hard to savor each night, bathing in your navy sheets and dusty room, but I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.

sad

Last selfies

Tomorrow, it’ll be a year. A year since we took the last selfies I have of us. My face pressed against you as we make silly expressions into the camera. It was a weird night. Our plans were kind of complicated. It’d been a week since I’d seen you. Almost a week since I asked you to think about where we were going.

It took you three months to answer that question. We didn’t take any more selfies in that period. But nothing else really changed.

It’s been a weird year. A lot’s happened. I’ve done a lot. I went a lot of places. I’ve erased you from a lot of stuff, but you’re still around.

You’ve met someone else. I wonder where you’ll be at midnight. I still miss you.

sad

All the things in my brain

All the things in my brain that remind me of you

All the things in my brain marked off as things you’d love to do

The things in my brain rot as someone else discovers all the things anew

Now there’s two of us, walking around, thinking of you.

I hope she discovers all of them and shares them with you

I hope they bring you happiness as they ought to

But as you wander the world, finding things for her,

Pause now and again

And come upon a Melissa thing or two.