sad

26

I’m sad that if I spend the majority of my life with someone, they probably won’t spend time with me at my hottest.

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sad

Love

We did everything together, watched everything together, but somehow both didn’t mention to each other that we’d each found the time to binge a series called Love. Over dinner, his little brother’s girlfriend, who worked in the entertainment industry, asked if he was excited for the second season premiere; I guess he’d discussed it with her previously… he couldn’t even say the word to me.

sad

A tragedy

When I was 16, I found myself with boyfriend. He was perfect, and we dated for two years until I got curious about the world and other potential boys I hadn’t met yet in college.

Then, several years later, when I decided he was still perfect, I tried to be with him again, but he smelled weird to me. I asked him if he’d showered, put on deodorant, brushed his teeth, chewed gum, all affirmative, all moments before I met him, but he smelled too weird to me to kiss.

What a sad fucking day. Alone with a potential love of my life, too grossed out to kiss him ever again.

sad

I can’t remember the last time we cuddled

I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.

I can’t remember that Saturday night, the feeling of your chest hair tingling against my bare back, your long arms squeezing me in. I can’t remember if I went to sleep quickly or slowly. If we were warm or cold. If we woke up easily or groggy. I tried so hard to savor each night, bathing in your navy sheets and dusty room, but I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.

sad

Last selfies

Tomorrow, it’ll be a year. A year since we took the last selfies I have of us. My face pressed against you as we make silly expressions into the camera. It was a weird night. Our plans were kind of complicated. It’d been a week since I’d seen you. Almost a week since I asked you to think about where we were going.

It took you three months to answer that question. We didn’t take any more selfies in that period. But nothing else really changed.

It’s been a weird year. A lot’s happened. I’ve done a lot. I went a lot of places. I’ve erased you from a lot of stuff, but you’re still around.

You’ve met someone else. I wonder where you’ll be at midnight. I still miss you.