sad

Load after load

I’ve been dating like I do laundry: I do it because society says I should, and I know if I put it off for long enough, I’ll regret it, but it always feels like it takes up too much time

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sad

Take a vacation

Take a vacation to the past and could have been.

Come visit me across the country and live what I can see.

Just for a short while, try out the places I see you at, indulge a fantasy.

Let go a little; take a vacation to the past and could have been with me.

sad

I can’t remember the last time we cuddled

I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.

I can’t remember that Saturday night, the feeling of your chest hair tingling against my bare back, your long arms squeezing me in. I can’t remember if I went to sleep quickly or slowly. If we were warm or cold. If we woke up easily or groggy. I tried so hard to savor each night, bathing in your navy sheets and dusty room, but I can’t remember the last time we cuddled.

sad

Last selfies

Tomorrow, it’ll be a year. A year since we took the last selfies I have of us. My face pressed against you as we make silly expressions into the camera. It was a weird night. Our plans were kind of complicated. It’d been a week since I’d seen you. Almost a week since I asked you to think about where we were going.

It took you three months to answer that question. We didn’t take any more selfies in that period. But nothing else really changed.

It’s been a weird year. A lot’s happened. I’ve done a lot. I went a lot of places. I’ve erased you from a lot of stuff, but you’re still around.

You’ve met someone else. I wonder where you’ll be at midnight. I still miss you.

sad

All the things in my brain

All the things in my brain that remind me of you

All the things in my brain marked off as things you’d love to do

The things in my brain rot as someone else discovers all the things anew

Now there’s two of us, walking around, thinking of you.

I hope she discovers all of them and shares them with you

I hope they bring you happiness as they ought to

But as you wander the world, finding things for her,

Pause now and again

And come upon a Melissa thing or two.