penis

pre-date ritual

Cheers to Hinge, online dating, and meeting strangers I don’t care about!

My pre-date ritual is this: nap until the last minute to arrive groggy, decide against showering, text my ex-boyfriends to remind them that I’m still single, leave forty minutes late and forget gum, instead resolving to order a mojito. That’s the same as winterfresh, right?

penis

Text from an ex

“Hey, have you heard of JSwipe? You should join! You’d kill it on there.”

I guess that’s one way to announce your singleness – tell your ex-girlfriend she should join a dating app.

Seventy-two hour time bomb on romantic appeal activated. My inbox is not accepting any more Taylor Swift lyrics…